SANFORD AND SON
RECAPITULATION
Lamont is talking to Fred in the Kitchen
FRED: You’re doing what?
LAMONT: It’s a great thing pop.
FRED: You spending the next week in a box?
LAMONT: Hey pop I need to do a recapitulation, to review my whole life, and you do it in a box.
FRED: The only time I’m getting in a box is at my funeral, and over my dead body.
LAMONT: Come on pop, by recapping you get back your lost energy
FRED: You know son, spending all day in a box is not a good idea for a junk dealer. Now I’m going to make a drink in honour of your dumb idea. I’ll combine cream soda and ripple, and call it, a cripple. Now if you’ll excuse me, I gotta go do some co-ordinating.
They walk into the living room
LAMONT: Look, this took me a long time to learn all this from Rolo…
FRED: Rolo? You in this with Rolo? (he clutches his chest) Oh, no. I think it’s the big one. Hear that Elizabeth? I’m coming to join you honey…
LAMONT: Will you stop that. You never take anything I do seriously
FRED: (showing concern) I’m sorry son. Well, the good news is I won’t have to go to Jack in the Box anymore because I can come home and find Dummy in a Box.
The two start yelling at each other just as Aunt Esther walks in.
ESTHER: (yelling) Stop, stop this at once. The Lord said to stop for He could see father fighting with son.
FRED: And the Lord also said stop because I can’t believe I see something so ugly
LAMONT: Pop!
ESTHER: Don’t worry Lamont. Like John 8:31 says, “The truth shall set you free.”
FRED: And like Fred 74 says, “someone opened the zoo cage door and set you free.”
Fred and Esther start fighting
LAMONT: Pop, Aunt Esther. Come on, be nice to Aunt Esther.
FRED: Your right son.
ESTHER: I just came over to wish you good luck Lamont with your life review
LAMONT: Thank you Aunt Esther, wasn’t that nice.
FRED: (feigning kindness) yes that was nice
ESTHER: like I said, good luck Lamont, it won’t be easy having to review so many years spent next to a heathen fool like him (points to Fred, then exits)
FRED: (upset) And son it won’t be fun having to review anything with something so ugly in it. Well at least you aren’t back to wearing the dress and calling yourself Columbo again.
LAMONT: That was Kalunda man…
They start yelling at each other again.