THE SIMPSONS
ERASING PERSONAL HISTORY
Bart and Lisa sit on the couch. Homer enters.
HOMER: Marge, kids. I’m home.
Marge walks in.
MARGE: Hi Homey, how was your first day of erasing personal history?
HOMER: It was great. One of the guys came over and said, “Hey Dumbass Simpson, get out of my way,” and I corrected him saying that’s “Dumb Simpson” now. Hey, hey
LISA: Dad that’s not what they mean
BART: Ya, Homer any dumbass knows that
HOMER: Why you little (starts to strangle Bart)
MARGE: Homer, you have to stop this
HOMER: (relaxing his grip) But I can’t.
LISA: You see your personal history is really your identity.
HOMER: But my identity is all that I have.
LISA: Exactly that is why it has to go.
HOMER: Identity eh! (getting an idea)
Homer exits then returns wearing a Russian Cossack outfit
HOMER: (speaking in a bad Russian accent) Hello, I am Homer, I am from Russia
BART: Your pretty crappy at this eh Dad?
HOMER: Da.
LISA: Dad you can’t erase personal history without stopping internal dialogue.
HOMER: (now back in his normal clothes, but from here on out we will only see him from the waist up) I have no internal dialogue.
HOMER’S BRAIN: Ya that’ll shut her up.
HOMER: See
Doorbell rings
HOMER: Oh no, it’s Flanders.
LISA: Here’s a perfect chance to stop internal dialogue.
HOMER: Well alright, for my favourite child
BART: Dad, I’m right here
HOMER: So you are number two (patting his head) so you are.
Homer walks to the door and opens it
HOMER: (as a robot) Hello Ned
FLANDERS: Hi-didley-ho neighbour. I was wondering if your done borrowing my new digital camera, I need to take a few snaperenoes of the kids.
HOMER: Homer not here…go now…please watch step
Door closes and Flanders stands there stunned
FLANDERS: Watch my step? Gosh darn he must have found Jesus. He can have my digital camera. (Flanders leaves)
Back in the house
MARGE: Oh Homey, I’m so proud of you.
HOMER: Wow, that was amazing. It’s the first time in my life I didn’t have a voice in my head telling me to kick Flanders in the groin. Thanks kids. And where would I be without my loving wife?
LISA: Uh, Dad, there’s a lot more to do- losing self-importance, stopping the world…
HOMER: Shh, Daddy’s perfect now.
BART: Hey perfect dad?
HOMER: Yes number two?
BART: Now that you’re a perfect dad, maybe you can put on some pants.
Wide angle shot shows that Homer since his Russian change as been in his underwear the whole time.
HOMER: (looks down at himself in the underwear) Done and done